


Reach and Flexibility: The Hackett Way

by thepurplewombat



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-25
Updated: 2013-05-25
Packaged: 2017-12-12 23:45:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/817436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepurplewombat/pseuds/thepurplewombat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Admiral Hackett comes aboard the Normandy, he decides that it is time to test the mettle of Shepard's favourite two crew members. His methods are...unorthodox.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reach and Flexibility: The Hackett Way

_**Audio Recording: Normandy SR2 – The Armoury** _

_The elevator door opens with a woosh, three sets of footsteps approach. Elevator ID confirms Admiral Steven Hackett, Garrus Vakarian and Major Kaidan Alenko._

JV: Admiral, Sir, we didn't expect to-

SH: Out.

JV: Sir?

SH: You heard me, Lieutenant. Out.

JV: *Salutes* Sir, yes sir! Come on, Cortez, let's get out of here.

_Elevator opens and closes._

_Silence._

SH: Well? Let's get on with it. Vakarian, if you think you're getting near me while you're in your armour, you are sadly mistaken. I'm not Shepard.

GV: I…um. Yes. Of course.

_Metallic sounds, thumps._

KA: Are you going to take off your uniform, sir?

SH: Don't be ridiculous, Alenko.

GV: Well, I'm not doing it unless you take your shoes off, at least. Shepard caught me right in the eye with one once, I thought I was blind. And you'll be much more comfortable without the jacket.

SH: The jacket stays, Vakarian.

_Grunts, two thumps as of shoes hitting ground._

SH: Happy now? Can we get on with it before those two come back to see what's going on?

KA: Whenever you're ready, Admiral.

_Grunts, thumps. No discernable words for several minutes._

SH: *grunts* they weren't kidding about your reach, Vakarian.

GV: Who said-

KA: It's the military, Garrus, everyone knows. *Groans* oh, god. You're really good at this, Admiral.

SH: This isn't really *grunt* the time to use that title, Alenko.

_Thumps, grunts, groans._

SH: If either of you *pants* ever breathes a  _word_  about this. To anyone *grunt*

KA: You'll have *long groan* us shot, sir?

SH: *wicked laugh* Shooting is for amateurs, Alenko. I'll make you  _wish_  I'd *harsh grunt* shot you.

_Silence broken only by grunts, groans and movement noises._

GV: *grumpily* Why are humans so bendy? Why are  _you_  so bendy? You're what, seventy? You have no business being able to do that!

SH: *laughs, somewhat out of breath* Practice makes perfect, Vakarian, and I've been doing this since before you were born.

GV: *grunt* Proves nothing. You may have flexibility, but I've still got reach. And stamina.

KA: I don't know, Garrus. He is  _very_  good.

GV: You're supposed to be on my side here, Alenko!

_Silence._

_Sound of cloth rustling._

SH: *yelps* No bloody tickling or I'll have you both shot! And Vakarian, I'll thank you to get your elbow out of my kidney.

_More silence._

_Panting. Groans, cloth rustling._

_A groan; a thud._

GV: What the – how did you do that? Kaidan, are you okay?

KA: *panting* Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine, Garrus. I just…think I need a breather.

SH: *chuckles* Now who's got reach, Vakarian?

GV: That was…*clears throat* um. That was *groans* stop that! You're cheating!

SH: *cackles*

_Elevator doors open. Single set of footsteps approach. Elevator ID confirms Commander Jane Shepard._

JS: Garrus? James came to me with some strange story about…

_Pause_.

JS: *chokes* Garrus? A-admiral Hackett… _Kaidan_? What the  _hell_  is going on here?

_Pause._

GV: Shepard! I…um…this…isn't what it looks like?

KA: Yeah, we were…sparring…and we…um *helplessly* fell down?

SH: *grunts* It's exactly what it looks like, Commander. I was testing your crewmen's reach. And...flexibility.

_Silence_.

JS: Yeah, that's what it looked like. So...whose Twister set is it?

_**Log ends** _

_**60 seconds of audio deleted.** _

_**SPECTRE overrides.** _


End file.
